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Joke of the Day

"You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like? [cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives] Your survival instincts take over"

"Kate Keller is not a good mother. After learning that her daughter, Helen Keller, got turned down by a boy, she asks: ""Are you seeing someone?"""

"I drank my recommended amount of water today, yay! Okay, well there was some vodka mixed in every cup, but still."

"I just thought of a gay pick up line... ""Would you be the Puff Daddy to my Biggie Smalls?"""

"What do you say to someone with a bladder problem? Urine trouble."

"Press 'B' really fast after asking a girl out on a date to increase your chances of catching her"

"I'm an expert at dating After all, I work in the calendar factory 12 hours a day"

"Why did Sepp Blatter cross the road? To get to the other bribe"

"wow american really nailed the demographic of the 6am business traveler with the in flight movie selection of madagascar 3"

"My doctor told me my testosterone level was unusually high. At least that's what I think he said, I could hardly hear him over the chainsaw."