53768

Joke of the Day

"TIL Elon Musk has an evil twin that commits crimes every evening. His name is Felon Dusk."

"Physical Doctor gave me a physical and says I have to stop master bating. I ask why? He says ""because I'm giving you a physical"""

"[signing birth certificate] wife: you put Owen, right? me: yup nurse: Now we'll just need a footprint from little [reading] ""Owned"""

"I've always lived by the motto 'work hard, play hard' But the HR department is starting to get concerned and the guys I ball with at the gym hate when I guard them"

"Why is a Boston painting school so special? Because everyone there is ahtistic."

"Organic Chemistry... You R-O-R get it, or you don't"

"Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that."

"Please tell me the grounds around mental hospitals have walking trails called psychopaths running through them."

"are you the girl who has to type everything said in court? ""yes"" I'm sorry *looks back at prosecutor and answers his question as a dolphin*"

"Doctor: You can only have clear liquids after midnight Me: Sure no problem Doctor: Not white wine Me:"