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Joke of the Day

"What does the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!"

"I'm thinking of investing in cancer research... I hear it's a growth industry."

"Wife: Are you even listening to me? Me: Of course W: Oh yeah, what did I say? M: [smoke bomb] W: I can still see you M: [Another smoke bomb]"

"I'm no longer allowed in Six Flags, because I put the ""semen"" in amusement park."

"/r/jokes wins Friend of the Planet award! for 95.002% of recylced content."

"My girlfriend said ""Give me 10 inches and make it hurt!"" So I stabbed her with a ruler."

"What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?......... Both stream instantly."

"It's a good thing Maradona isn't still playing. Who knows what he'd do when the ref sprays that white line on the pitch."

"Treat her like she's the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever."

"Someone just posted an article on Facebook and said ""file this under sad."" WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE FILING EVERYTHING"