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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said ""Give me 10 inches and make it hurt!"" So I stabbed her with a ruler."

"The check engine light could be more specific...is it 'holy shit stop the car right now' or 'proceed with caution for the next 6000 miles'?"

"Me: WOW. Look at those legs! Her: Thank you. M: They'd look great around my neck! H: Hey! M: Wish I'd brought my saw. H: WHAT?!? M: Nothing."

"A man's work is never done. ""...Something both men and women can agree on!"""

"If a group of necrophiliacs ran into group of zombies...who would do the chasing? Oh, I went there...;)"

"If you drop a piano down a mine shaft what key does it play in? A flat minor"

"How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 5 Step 8, 9, 10"

"3 nuns, and a nude guy... A guy in a trench coat walks over to 3 nuns, and takes off all of his clothes. The first nun had a stroke. The second nun had a stroke. The third nun passed out."

"My new telly is brilliant, it shows 50 frames per second. I managed to watch the whole of the snooker world championships in less than a minute."

"A rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on one shoulder ... The bartender says, ""Hey, where'd you get that?"" And the frog says, ""Brooklyn, der's hundreds of um."""