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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Are you even listening to me? Me: Of course W: Oh yeah, what did I say? M: [smoke bomb] W: I can still see you M: [Another smoke bomb]"

"How tall are the twin towers? 9"" 11"

"Hockey is a sport where people use feet knives to walk so they can score a goal with a tiny hamburger."

"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans!"

"Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives? They're called the Clue Clucks Clan"

"I bought a pack of pencils and one was unsharpened. I thought it was pretty pointless"

"How do you drowned a hipster? Throw them in the mainstream. Edit: spelling because I'm 5"

"True story My dad ate whale in Japan but it wasn't on porpoise."

"Im not narcissistic. I'm perfect."

"What do Bernie Sanders and Santa Claus have in common? They're old, promise you free shit and are red!"