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Joke of the Day

"Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?"

"I felt I was overcharged by a prostitute, so I cut off the end of her foot.... ... When I was finally arrested, they charged me with Grand Theft Whore Toe"

"How did the retarded sperm cell beat the normal one to the egg? He had a handicap."

"""Gosh it's raining cats and dogs"" said Fred looking out of the kitchen window. ""I know"" said his mother. ""I've just stepped in a poodle!"""

"How much do Americans like racist jokes? Enough to make one President."

"Variants for running. Variants for running:- 1. Hot girl in front of you. 2. Creepy guy behind you. (If 1 applies to you, you're probably 2)"

"What do you call an Ethiopian squatting to take a shit? A bragging son of of a bitch."

"*opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]"

"I needed to go to the toilet but we were out of toilet roll So I pissed in the sink"

"What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs, or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob."