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Joke of the Day

"*opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]"

"Are you a whore? Because you are priceless to me."

"My kid just told me all she wants for Christmas is a bell so she can ""make lots of money like the man outside walmart."""

"Ain't no party like a dyslexic party Cause a dyslexic party don't pots."

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two. One person holds the bulb and the other blonde twirls the other blonde around."

"Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk."

"You should always read labels. I was about to eat this rat poison but then saw it has gluten in it. I could have died,"

"What does a child with stickers have in common with a cocaine addicted DJ? They both love to scratch and sniff. ^(sorry if it's a repost I'm not here often)"

"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts"

"What's a New Zealander's favorite car? The Kia Ora."