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Joke of the Day

"If you are having sex with two women and a third woman walks in, what do you have? Divorce proceedings, most likely"

"I have a friend who won't admit that he dresses up as Santa every year. He's pretty deep in the Clauset."

"Why did the elephant paint his balls green? Answer: to hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados"

"I quit Reddit."

"How do you know you're allergic to cats if you've never even tasted one?"

"what do you do if a blonde women throws a grenade at you? Catch it pull then pin out and throw it back .. *blonde lady"

"NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in. MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*"

"Knock knock! 'Who's there?' 'To' 'To who' '*to whom' 'Kill yourself'"

"Wife:How'd you sleep? Me: Fine except I got in a gun fight and died and went to the store because I ran out of shampoo W: Ambien:*giggles"

"Is your refrigerator running?? Because I might vote for it."