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Joke of the Day

"Wife:How'd you sleep? Me: Fine except I got in a gun fight and died and went to the store because I ran out of shampoo W: Ambien:*giggles"

"What do call the gas you get from eating cheese? Derriere"

"[OC] Got approved for a 15 year 3.25% Mortgage loan 4.20 was too high for a 30 year ....... sorry I'll see myself out."

"WORM 911: what's ur emergency FLATWORM: I CUT MYSELF BAD WORM 911: u need medical help? FLATWORM: wait, there's 2 of me now. we're good."

"What do you call something that's impossible due to physics? Physics-ly impossible. There's your dad joke for the day."

"In light of Germany's discovery of ISIS using mustard gas: What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran."

"Reddit Jokes section is not racist."

"What branch of the military are horses in? The NaaaaayyyVY"

"How did the musician catch his fish? He castanet"

"The surprise in the Cracker Jacks box is Diabetes."