98624

Joke of the Day

"Knock knock! 'Who's there?' 'To' 'To who' '*to whom' 'Kill yourself'"

"Me: Forgive me father I have sinned Priest: Get out of my house M: But it's a big sin P: *sigh* Speak child M: I broke into your house"

"""The police are looking for a man with one eye named Murphy."" ""What's the other eye called?"""

"Girlfriend: ""babe it's hot I need a fan"" [Boyfriend starts taking pictures with her and BEGGING for autographs]"

"Nobody knows why our shoemaker always makes the insides of his shoes rock-hard... They say he was just born without a sole"

"I was gonna tell a gay joke... ~~butt fuck it.~~ though I decided not to because it would offend the members of the LGBT community."

"BREAKING NEWS: Bread is extremely toxic to humans. ""Just throw it all in a lake somewhere,"" says one long-billed scientist"

"Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couplesfight and read high quality humor columns? To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight."

"Did u guys know u can smoke Newports on Delta flights"

"I dunked on my brother one summer, like, 20 yrs ago, on the adjustable hoop in the driveway, & I still think about it roughly twice a week."