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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when a group of people in a single vehicle travel through a lengthy underpass? Carpool tunnel!"

"What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day."

"I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette. No strings attached"

"After watching ""Breaking Bad"" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I'd rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician."

"Spider van Spider van How do spiders drive a van? 10 on top 10 below Where would you like to go? Get in. Get in the Spider Van."

"Chuck Norris doesn't count his chicken before they hatch. He cracks them and eats them."

"I'm starting to think the other moms might not like my nicknames for their kids."

"My wife said she wouldn't have sex with me until I did everything on the ""To-Do list"" So I scratched out **#1** ""*Wash the car*"" and replaced it with ""*Have a three-some with Becky and Wife*"""

"The thing about women is that they love good listeners and they hate rapists."

"Obamacare? More like ""Obama? I don't care for that guy!!!"" Honk if you want poor people to die"