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Joke of the Day

"After watching ""Breaking Bad"" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I'd rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician."

"What's the difference between a civilian camp and an ISIS base? I don't know I just fly the drones"

"Why couldn't the philosopher make a living? He made no sense. I tried, I really did."

"What Did The Hard Drive Get When It Wanted Data But Didn't Have The Resources? A Cache-Advance"

"Empty brain A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this? B: It's because your feet aren't empty."

"Why can't you make something that's sort of like a macaron but not really? Because then it'd just be macaroni"

"Hub: Did you eat all the nachos? Me: Noooo. I had one nacho. Hub: because they were stuck together? Me: LIKE I SAID, ONE NACHO!"

"What do Native Americans call vegetarians? Poor hunters"

"For years I've been wiping my arse with my right hand. I now realise that I should have been using toilet paper."

"Just waiting to hear those three special words... ""there's no evidence."""