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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she wouldn't have sex with me until I did everything on the ""To-Do list"" So I scratched out **#1** ""*Wash the car*"" and replaced it with ""*Have a three-some with Becky and Wife*"""

"Did you know frogs can jump higher than houses? This is for two reasons: 1. Frogs have extremely strong hind legs. 2. Houses can't jump."

"The past, present, and future walk into a bar.. It was tense."

"I opened the door to find my friend masturbating. He yelled ""Close the door!"" So I yelled, ""Get inside!"""

"How do hipsters talk about shoes? [...](http://imgur.com/yzelyVT)"

"Girl Logic: I'd like him a lot more if he ignored and liked me a little less."

"How many people does it take to circumcise a Whale? Four Skindivers."

"What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? Hide-and-go-seek winner from last year."

"Megaman is such a hard game! I've beaten Ice Man & Fire man but this guy just shoots me before I can even move. How do I beat Zimmer Man?"

"My liver works harder for two days than I do all week..."