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Joke of the Day

"What are the three most important things to an orthopedic surgeon's business? Dislocation, dislocation, dislocation"

"Me: Sometimes I think I have more imaginary conversations than real ones. Scarlett Johansson: That's very interesting."

"I think its my mom's birthday. I should unblock her on facebook and check."

"QUESTION: What is honeymoon? ANSWER: That brief span of time between ""I do"" and ""You'd better!"""

"4th grade student: How old are you? Me: Quite a bit older than you. Student: So like 23? Me: Deal. Tell all your friends."

"Did you know I'm actually ambidextrous... I can actually write fuck all with both hands!"

"Attractive. Brainy. Romantic. Faithful. Makes good food. Gives great head. -- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis."

"It's ok to laugh during sex...just don't point."

"Anal with my girlfriend made my whole day But it made her whole week."

"What's the difference between God and Trump? God doesn't think he's Donald Trump!"