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Joke of the Day

"Attractive. Brainy. Romantic. Faithful. Makes good food. Gives great head. -- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis."

"I named my dog Herpes... If she's good, she'll heel. (Stolen from Priscilla)"

"How long does it take to cook a baby in the microwave? No clue. Too busy masturbating."

"Ex: Do you ever think of someone else when we have sex? Me: No, it's always George Clooney."

"With Hanukkah upon us, how does a Jewish man prepare his tea? Hebrews it."

"Interviewer: You're hired.. Me: Thank you so much! You won't live to regret this.. Interviewer: What? Me: huh?"

"I've written a musical called Fish. It's very similar to Cats, although Memory's a lot shorter."

"I'm sick of being the guy everyone comes to when they want the money I owe them."

"What do you call a cheating wife with a runny nose? FULL!!"

"Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't.. Because they're just numbers"