59925

Joke of the Day

"Give me a massage ""Mm okay"" *rubs oil all over her* *things get hot* *things get too hot* *she bursts into flames* ""Dang I used petroleum"""

"What was shaken and is now stirred? Haiti."

"What's the difference between an old-time organ grinder and a heroin addict? One has a monkey on a leash and the other has a monkey on his back."

"I've won the war! My pants fit! **Congratulations, have you lost weight?** _Even better... I've bought new pants!!!_"

"What did the southern gentleman say to the prostitute? Hello ma'am, what can I do you for?"

"I want to be cremated... So I can finally have a smoking hot body!!"

"My PhD candidate brother told me he is getting hooded in a few weeks. What a dumb ass- you can't undo a circumcision . . . . Woke up with this joke inside my head- original?"

"Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he's roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die."

"Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy"

"No YOUR a grammar nazi!"