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Joke of the Day

"4th grade student: How old are you? Me: Quite a bit older than you. Student: So like 23? Me: Deal. Tell all your friends."

"One venti cheeseburger please."

"My iWatch says I masturbated for 6 miles today!!"

"Google just threw a drink in my face I deserved it I have no business asking those questions"

"ALERT At 9:20am, I lost an apostrophe. Last seen in the word ""Let's"". If you see it, please send it home. Its tweet misses it."

"Went to a shrink today. She said I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other b*tch!"

"What's Mr T's favourite dessert? Petit Filous (Credit goes to my ex wife for this one)."

"My girlfriend asked me how I know so much about vaginas I had be honest, I told her I've been into them for years."

"I lost my mood ring this morning... I don't even know how i feel about this."

"How does a fetus like it's amniotic fluid? At womb temperature!"