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Joke of the Day

"4th grade student: How old are you? Me: Quite a bit older than you. Student: So like 23? Me: Deal. Tell all your friends."

"Just took an opposite selfie of something I saw. Elsie? Otherie? Seeie? Oh, photo. Got it."

"Did you hear about the Amish woman who got arrested? She was doing 2 Mennonite a night"

"""I thought I'd thaw a pussy cat."" -- dogs deciding what to take out of the freezer for dinner"

"What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US Leader"

"My buddy, David, had his ID stolen while on a business trip in Prague... ...now we just have to call him Dav."

"If you ask someone out and they say no, try it again in a few minutes wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette. #cool"

"Life is short, which means it can't get on any of the cool rides."

"Q. What do you call a one legged linedancer? A. Eileen (I Lean)"

"Whenever I shake someone's hand as I meet them and they say ""The pleasure's all mine."" I quickly look to see where their other hand is."