175469

Joke of the Day

"[Jesus at Last Supper] [holds up bread] This is my body [holds up wine] This is my blood [holds up Instagram pic] This was my breakfast"

"My boss wanted me to sign up for the company 401k. I told him, ""No way, do you have any idea how far that is?"""

"they say each cigarette you smoke takes 7-11 minutes off your life, last year i smoked 11,000 i dont look a day younger"

"Poker is like sex... If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand"

"A friend wants me to try speed dating, but I'm not sure that finishing *even faster* is going to help me with the ladies"

"Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realize where we're going."

"Allow me to sum up the 90's for you. 90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99=945"

"I don't know how you women do it. Every time I try to ""sleep my way to the top"" I get woken up and sent to HR."

"Did you hear about greek porn? They can't do money shots anymore"

"One good thing about premature ejaculation is that porn lasts you a very long time. I bought a video back in 1992 and I still haven't made it past the FBI warning thing."