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Joke of the Day

"I don't know how you women do it. Every time I try to ""sleep my way to the top"" I get woken up and sent to HR."

"What do you call a very religious person who sleep walks? A Roman Catholic."

"I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you're right fellas, men are smarter than women."

"When I was a kid, I knocked out the power in my house. Mom said it was just a phase."

"Attractive. Brainy. Romantic. Faithful. Makes good food. Gives great head. -- Online dating profile of a male praying mantis."

"Don't buy Colgate whitening toothpaste!! Label reads: Guaranteed whiteness in only 14 days... 15 days later and I'm still black."

"ME: here's your bday present! BUDDY: [tries to grab it but it won't budge] did u wrap your own hand flipping the bird again ME: just open it"

"My physics professor gave us a really difficult exam question about a ball with a changing rate of acceleration. It was a jerk move."

"Our son brought weed to Show & Tell and the teacher sent him home with $50 pinned to his shirt."

"Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba? He didn't want to play second fidel"