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Joke of the Day

"Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realize where we're going."

"If I believed changing my profile picture could change the world I'd change it to a picture of vending machines that dispense tiger cubs"

"The whole ""Pavlov's Dog Experiment"" is such a load of bunk I'm sick of people bringing it up... ...at this point just *hearing* the name ""Pavlov"" makes me mad."

"FYI guys: If a girl plays w/ her hair while talking to u, it means she has an itchy scalp, possibly lice. Stay away, it is very contagious."

"What do you call a snobby criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con desending.."

"How do you make a good movie better add Adam Sandler"

"Schrodinger's Crush: Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken"

"Patient: Doctor what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points? Doctor: Sell!"

"The difference between ""she's jogging & healthy"" vs ""she's in danger & I should help"" is headphones."

"A new law recently passed in Arkansas. When a man and woman are divorced, they can still be brother and sister."