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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm gonna make a salad Her: I think the lettuce went bad [opens fridge] [lettuce flicks a cigarette, hops out & pulls a switch blade]"

"What do you call a pig that took a plane? Swine flu!"

"We had a nice, quiet dinner last night... Except for the Celery, of course!"

"Confucius say virginity like giant bubble One prick, all gone"

"Did you hear about the man who had his whole left side bitten off by a shark? He's all right now."

"Don't die a virgin. Well it's not like you get to choose."

"What did the gay deer say after he left the bar ? Man, I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there"

"What do you call the National Conference for Bridgebuilders? RubiCon."

"Where did the piglets study their ABC's? At a school for higher loining."

"I am genderfluid I sexually identify as mayonnaise. If you can't stand it than you neeed to ketchup."