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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a pig that took a plane? Swine flu!"

"It's hard following a clown act My girlfriend dated a clown before we started going together. I've got some pretty big shoes to fill."

"It'd be pretty rad if the Pope's Twitter account was just Billy Joel's second Twitter account where he only tweets while on Ambien."

"Math never tried to solve any of my problems."

"I'm the dog whisperer. I'll whisper the word ""dog"" 20.. hell, 30 times if the price is right"

"Why do black people from west Africa never go on cruises? They're not falling for that again."

"REPORTER: you say you spotted the missing hikers somewhere in these woods CLEARLY A BEAR IN A FLANNEL & AVIATORS: [right on mic] briefly yes"

"What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat? One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws."

"It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. I've learned to hate fun because I want a super buff face."

"Push-up men's underwear. Taking complexes to a whole new level."