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Joke of the Day

"We had a nice, quiet dinner last night... Except for the Celery, of course!"

"I walked in on my roommate jerking it He got mad and told me to put it away"

"What's the difference between oooh and ahh? 3 inches"

"Operator: 911, what's your emergency? Me: YES HELLO DO BEES SLEEP AT NIGHT?"

"Going to war is the only way Americans can learn geography."

"How did the bucket's mom know he was sick? He was a little pail."

"My life is a constant struggle between wanting people to text me and never wanting to reply to texts."

"What did the bunny ask his boss for? A raise in *celery*."

"Would I miss my leg or my arm more? (me, lying in bed, deciding which to put outside the blanket for the monster under the bed to rip off)"

"Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross."