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Joke of the Day

"The Bible is a lot like those online Terms of Use Agreements. Everyone says they agree with it, but very few people actually read it."

"And the lord said unto John ""Come forth and receive eternal life"" But John came fifth and received a toaster."

"What is a gay guy's favorite kind of yogurt? The kind with the fruit on the bottom."

"#rubbishjokes What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? The slowest swimmer."

"A Spanish magician announced that for his final trick, he would vanish into thin air. He counted down: uno, dos, then POOF! He was gone, without a tres."

"After watching how stressful it was for Clark Kent's dad, I don't know if I could adopt a kid from a blown-up planet."

"Optimism? Sure, it's worth a try. I don't see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever."

"If you post a handstand photo of yourself at the beach in Uggs you're automatically entered into an essay contest on why you love your Jetta"

"I can give out my number and I bet 8152898509 dollars my phone will still be dry."

"TIL You can't have a crusade without... USA"