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Joke of the Day

"Confucius say virginity like giant bubble One prick, all gone"

"Her: Do you consider yourself broadminded? Me: All I ever think about are broads... so I'll have to go with a yes on this one."

"What is it called when you're looking for a body killed by a mortician? Formaldehyde and seek!"

"I got in a lot of trouble on a date recently because I didn't open the car door for her Instead I just swam up to the surface"

"Newsreader: ""And now Tom with the weather."" Weatherman: ""It's Tim, actually."" Newsreader: ""Sorry. And now Tom with the tim."""

"Lindsay Lohan was released from jail early this morning and in related news, I still don't give a shit about her."

"What do clocks do when they're still hungry after a meal? They go back four seconds."

"I thought the Undertale genocide run was comic, But than I met sans. ^I'm ^so ^sorry."

"Got a problem with me? I'm pretty sure a status on Facebook won't fix it."

"I'm sorry previews, but ""best movie of the year"" means nothing to me on January 18th."