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Joke of the Day

"I went up to Serena Williams. I said, ""Serena, what's your favourite planet?"" She said, ""It's Venus."" I said, ""Oh sorry, Venus, what's your favourite planet?"""

"I was just making a sandwich when I thought to myself, So, there is a downside to divorce'."

"Therapist: what was it like growing up? Me: I just [reaches for tissues] kept getting taller."

"Joke How do you find Ronald McDonald on a naked beach? His sesame seed buns!"

"Me and my girlfriend tried anal the other night... Me and my girlfriend tried anal the other night for the first time. didn't go so well. no idea how my ass is supposed to fit inside her vagina..."

"Today I walked up to some girls and asked if they liked guys with big dicks They replied yeah. I replied, ""I'm sorry for wasting your time..."" turned around and walked away awkwardly."

"To punish me, my 2yr old shuts herself in her room. She can shut, but not open, doors. She ends up trapped in a self-imposed timeout. #irony"

"At the mortuary.. -How do you want to handle your mother in law? Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried? -All of them, lets not take any chances"

"What was the other reindeer's name? Olive. EDIT: Please don't explain and let those suffer who don't understand"

"You're not fat. You're just... easier to see!"