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Joke of the Day

"To punish me, my 2yr old shuts herself in her room. She can shut, but not open, doors. She ends up trapped in a self-imposed timeout. #irony"

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"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel."
"I don't know why people are upset about the Florida night club incident. I would love to get free shots at my local bar!"
"Did I tell you the joke about my penis? Oh never mind it's too long."
"Whenever I see a bear on a motorbike I'm like, ""Good for you. You've not let the fact you can't be tattooed stop you from getting a bike."""
"Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there."
"What did the barber say to the Potato? ""You've got eyes on the back of your head!"""
"What's a Catholic's favorite way to send money? PayPal"
"What's the cheapest kind of meat? Deer balls. Because they are under a buck."
"My orgies are like the Special Olympics... There's lots of drooling and everyone is a winner."