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Joke of the Day
"How do skeletons kiss? They don't. Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone."
Next Joke
"Why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards? Because is they fell forward they'd land in the boat."
"87% of my day is spent remembering my kids names and my anniversary and stuff and the other 57% is trying to do math."
"""Here's what I would do..."" - me, giving bad advice"
"Irish wedding vs. Irish funeral (Possibly offensive? Naah...) What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk."
"When you say ""9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans"" all I hear is ""there's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."""
"Someone told me today that I'm pretentious... Moi!?!?"
"I like my women like I like my coffee.... Without a penis"
"A midget goes to the doctor and exclaims ""doctor! doctor! can you treat me??"" Doctor says: ""yes, you just have to be a little patient."""
"I quit my job as a taxi driver... I just can't stand people talking behind my back."