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Joke of the Day

"When you say ""9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans"" all I hear is ""there's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."""

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"How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? Look for the fresh prints"
"What does a Pirate say on his Eightieth birthday? AYE MATEY!"
"What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? Goes-in-tight!"
"A guy named Shane can never date an Asian girl... ... Because then she would bring Shane to her family."
"Her: Do you have any kids? Me: I have 2 step kids Her: None of your own? Me: no Her: How come? Me: facials Her: I'm sorry what? Me: What?"
"The showerhead and shower curtain are complaining. Curtain says: I really hate having to just hang here all day. Showerhead: At least you dont get turned on everytime you see a naked person!"
"I have an epileptic friend... He's a jerk..."
"How's your Mom's cherry pie taste? Meh.. It's Oedipal"
"What do you call 2 crows sitting on a bench? Attempted murder."