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Joke of the Day

"Neil deGrasse Tyson will no longer be hosting NOVA. Looks like they had to cut deGrasse."

"Hair so long she accidentally flushed herself down the toilet"

"I'm here to tell you the truth about Trump voters! [deluded]"

"Australians don't have sex... Australians mate."

"""I'm sorry. I haven't had sex for a very long time."" -- and other things I say during the meeting to excuse my bad behavior."

"What did the Queen say when she lost her dog? ""Where the fuck is my corgi?!"""

"What is Batman's favorite porn site? Motherless.com"

"My wife said she wouldn't have sex with me until I did everything on the ""To-Do list"" So I scratched out **#1** ""*Wash the car*"" and replaced it with ""*Have a three-some with Becky and Wife*"""

"Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves... Apparently they are a choking hazard."

"Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people."