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Joke of the Day

"Why does the prosecutor only choose jurors who drive Hummers? So that there's no chance of a hung jury"

"What do you call a deaf gynecologist? A lip reader."

"My 5 year old hasn't said a word in the car after I convinced him that the volume control on our stereo ejects his car seat."

"If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance."

"A man walks into a bathroom and slips on a turd.. Another man approaches and says ''are you alright mate? I just did that''"

"I like my slaves like I like my coffee Free"

"When Homer Simpson plays Dungeons & Dragons... He uses a D'oh!-decahedron."

"kid theres no such thing as bad publicity. like you would think if a big article came out saying you suck shit it would be bad, but its good"

"My penis is nicknamed ""The Titanic""... ""Because it's so big?"" ""No,because it is a tragedy."""

"*hot lady looks at me* Me: Hi! Do I know you? Lady: No I think I'm mistaken. *awkward pause* Me: So...is there a mister taken? *hit by bus*"