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Joke of the Day

"If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance."

"So a roman walks into a bar Lifts two fingers and say ""five beers, please"""

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you."

"I went to this new doctor, but he was terrible... All he did was suck blood from my neck. Do not go see Dr. Acula. [](/lunalaugh)Credit goes to Mr. Hedberg for this one."

"What do liberal arts majors yell when overwhelmed? Oh,the humanities!"

"FBI: If you testify you'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program ME: I'll do it FBI: Your wife and kids too ME: Oh ok never mind"

"On the bus I was sitting on the bus and this super hot Thai girl gets on and sits next to me I think to myself ""Please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner"" She did."

"today I went for a run & a homeless guy was like WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM & I was like EVERYTHING"

"Why are automatic doors like knights? Because they're chivalrous!"

"Kids are like farts... ...the only ones you can put up with are your own."