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Joke of the Day

"kid theres no such thing as bad publicity. like you would think if a big article came out saying you suck shit it would be bad, but its good"

"Why is it hard to break up with a Japenese girl? ...you have to drop the bomb twice in order for her to get it."

"A woman stopped me in my tracks. She said, ""You wouldn't know where the nearest hospital is?"" ""That is correct."" I replied."

"*unrolls blueprints of a dick* no no no this part has got to go. dont know what this does... gone. lets put a ruby here. in the shaft"

"When Gregor Mendel did his groundbreaking experiments with pea plants, ... ...it was a classic case of publish or parish."

"Your mama is so fat... The NSA had to build a 2 billion dollar complex to store her weight information."

"A man was writing a book with over 1,000 pages. It's too long of a story to explain why."

"Someone told me to stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe."

"Russia's most prolific musician? JOHN LENIN"

"I always wear a wet suit and goggles to the pub so I don't look like an idiot when I wake up on the beach in the morning."