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Joke of the Day

"What's Alex's (from 'A Clockwork Orange') preferred type of light? Ultraviolent"

"Just give me a sec. I'm still waiting for IE8 to open a new tab. A blank tab. Waiting... Still waiting... There it is."

"How many NYC cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black."

"Yo mama's so fat... ...she has to upgrade her data plan every time she sends a selfie."

"Uh oh I planned two dates today thinking one of them would cancel and now I have to come up with a lie and quick"

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning Hippy? Because he was too far out, man."

"What did Louis say to Clark? Suck this mcdoubledaw dick nyuggahahahahaha /buh dum tiss"

"What do you call a Roman with pubic hair in his teeth? Gladiator"

"I think all dads are in a secret competition to see who can sneeze the loudest."

"What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter."