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Joke of the Day
"""Is that a gun in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?"" said my late wife."
Next Joke
"[At Mall] Good cop: CLEAR A PATH PEOPLE! Bad cop: OFFICIAL POLICE BUSINESS Black Friday cop: *Segways past everyone & gets the last HDTV*"
"Unfortunately..... Nobody wants to have sex with your inner beauty."
"Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity."
"Literal People Anonymous Welcome to Literal People Anonymous, would everyone please take a seat. NO, WAIT! BRING THOSE CHAIRS BACK!"
"In regards to Caitlyn Jenner's car accident I guess you could call it vehicular translaughter."
"What does Donald Trump call his penis? Little Marco"
"Downside to a threesome? You'll disappoint 2 women instead of 1"
"What do you call a person with normal abs in a universe full of fat people Abnormal"
"Jesus: Give them fingernails in case they start itching. God: Alright, but wouldn't it be funny if they couldn't reach their backs?"