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Joke of the Day

"Jesus: Give them fingernails in case they start itching. God: Alright, but wouldn't it be funny if they couldn't reach their backs?"

"*gets taste of own medicine* Yep this is my medicine"

"Let's see here... Said the blind to the deaf."

"A man rings work to tell them he's sick. ""How sick are you?"" ""How sick? Well, I'm fucking my sister for a start."""

"What celebrity is most likely to stab you? James Blunt"

"I can't see how this day could get any worse. First, my baby cousin went missing... And now my pet snake has a huge tumor"

"Aw, this paint is already dry. Guess I'll watch baseball."

"Just ordered a pizza and jogged past my gym holding it over my head like the Olympic torch."

"Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed."

"Wonder why my son doesn't want me to walk him to the bus stop? Maybe I'd better unhook one of the straps on my overalls like the cool kids."