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Joke of the Day

"Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity."

"Fortune Teller The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large!"

"George W Bush kept us safe just like how abstinence education kept Bristol Palin unpregnant."

"Johnny Depp is the best actor ever. You can't even tell he has scissor hands in Pirates of the Caribbean."

"What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch? An ingestigation"

"Friend: Are you growing your hair out? Me: I have no idea. Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long"

"I wish I was poor one day in my life... Because being poor everyday sucks..."

"I don't trust this 'would you like cash back' bullshit. I'm trying to give you my money, but you're also trying to give me my money? Weird."

"What do you call a girl who only likes guys with big muscles? A Biceptual"

"Who were the shortest people in the Bible? Let's see. There's Kneehighmiah, Bildad the Shoe-Height...oh, and Peter, who said, ""Silver and gold I have none,"" and no one could be much shorter than that."