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Joke of the Day
"My wife asked if I ever think about someone else during sex... ""Nope, just myself."""
Next Joke
"Oh, you want me to watch everything you have in less than the one-month free trial period? Challenge accepted, Netflix."
"DIY - previous owners thought a bright red living room a good idea. 12 coats of heavy duty primer later... This Kilz the walls."
"Doctor I swallowed a PEN!!! Doctor, Doctor I swallowed a PEN, WHAT DO I DO? Doctor: Use a pencil..."
"If you're attacked by clowns... Go for the juggler."
"They say it's the journey that matters and not the destination, which is good because I've no clue where I'm going."
"ONLY Justin Bieber could make doing drugs look not cool..."
"I love being American. Just the other day I ate half my meal, got even fatter, then threw the rest away because f*ck starving people."
"What do you call a midget psychic that's on the run from the law? A small medium at large."
"Fun Fact: When you die, someone will feel inconvenienced that your funeral is on a particular day. lol"