82717

Joke of the Day

"Doctor I swallowed a PEN!!! Doctor, Doctor I swallowed a PEN, WHAT DO I DO? Doctor: Use a pencil..."

"When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say? ""Hold on, let me get my bear rings."""

"It's like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know."

"I'm starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats."

"Press 1 for English. Press 2 for spanish. Press 1 and 2 at the same time for the latest Pitbull song"

"Did you hear Seinfeld on political correctness? He really went on the offensive about it."

"Where do safari animals buy their groceries? From the supermeerkat"

"What does a menopausal Vietnam vet suffer from? Hot flashbacks"

"Skrillex! It's your cousin Marvin. Marvin Skrillex! Know that sound you've been looking for? I think I found it! *holds phone up to blender*"

"Love doesn't walk away, people do."