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Joke of the Day

"Mr. Trump, what will you do as President? TRUMP: I'll outlaw shredded cheese and only sell blocks Why? TRUMP: To make America grate again"

"People who describe things as ""better than sex"" are having the wrong kind of sex."

"I like when the ending credits show pictures from the episode I just watched. What a fun trip down memory lane."

"My grandma started dying in the living room Well, I guess it isn't the living room anymore."

"If it's any consolation, Jim Morrison, Biggie Smalls, and Jesus would all have died from natural causes by now."

"Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!"

"scientists agree that following me on twitter is a clear sign you were classified as Above Average as kid and used it as an excuse to coast"

"I hate how every single day my ex wife just keeps waking up!"

"What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you? Partner in crime."

"[1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes"