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Joke of the Day

"Why do people hate playing uno with Mexicans? They keep stealing green cards."

"Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq? Because they're all Targets."

"It sucks to be a dick.. A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually."

"How do you make holy water? You just take normal water and boil the hell out of it."

"I just call everyone viewers...... so I won't mistake their gender."

"A lady got off the train so I finished her crossword. Turns out she'd just gone to the toilet and now she's back and she hates me."

"Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan."

"I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was, like, 0mg!"

"Air bags: my car's attempt of cheering me up after accidents by giving me surprise balloons."

"I tried to open a store that specialized in leather made from cow nipples... It was an udder catastrophe"