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Joke of the Day

"I tried to open a store that specialized in leather made from cow nipples... It was an udder catastrophe"

"What do you call a wrongly accused art thief? Framed"

"My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me having sex with her dog. I guess I really screwed the pooch on that one."

"Where do you find a one legged dog? NSFW Wherever you fucking left him"

"I came home from work early today and caught my daughter masturbating with a cucumber ""That's disgusting"" I said, ""I'm meant to be eating that tonight, now it's going to taste like salad."""

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ""Oh sure, just because I'm a woman means I have to do everything around here. And let me tell you..."""

"It's mean to give a homeless person money for food without giving him money for a phone too... How do you expect him to Instargram the food?"

"Molly and Shannon are sisters born on the same day of the same year, same mother, same hospital. But Molly is 7 years older than Shannon. How is this possible? Shannon died in a car accident."

"advice: describing someone's cupcakes as being ""better than sex"" is only a compliment if you aren't sleeping with them"

"[god making cheetahs] Let's just squish a giraffe and give it whiskers"