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Joke of the Day
"I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was, like, 0mg!"
Next Joke
"Q: What do college students and deer have in common? A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights."
"I believe every child should be given a chance... ...and that's why if they can guess the number I'm thinking of, I'll let them go..."
"Me: are you serious? GF: yes I can't take it anymore, you're too unpredictable Me: [wearing a different shirt] what are you talking about?"
"As told to me by my 5y/o nephew at the dinner table... Why did the elephant cross the road?   Because he farted!"
"craigslist -> jobs -> Wanted: Pet psychic. Need proof my dog hates my fashion sense. Must be fine with nudity. This is not a sex thing."
"I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours."
"A baseball walks into Wimbledon. The announcer yells ""Hey, we don't serve your kind"""
"Have you heard how busy the Samsung customer care lines are? Their phones are blowin' up!"
"Hi yes, I'd like the cheeseburger ""How would you like that cooked?"" *gets right up in waitresses face* With frickin fire, obviously"