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Joke of the Day

"If I'm ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand."

"BBQ joint offers the ""Betty Ford Special"" Half a rack with extra sauce"

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple ""Thank you"" would be nice... ...None of that ""How did you get into my house?"" business."

"The hot chick I hooked up with last night must be a Berny Sanders fan... Because when I went to go pee, I could feel the burn."

"don't let the glasses fool you, I'm an idiot"

"A German man was hitting on my sister-in-law... I told her ""He wants to put his wiener in your schnitzel."" She replied ""Not happening, I guess he'll be stroganoff."""

"My secretary doesn't wear any bra or panties to work. But he types really well."

"I play golf like I have sex I mostly hit 3's and 4's"

"I've always lived by the motto 'work hard, play hard' But the HR department is starting to get concerned and the guys I ball with at the gym hate when I guard them"

"A vegan invited my friends and I to a vegan restaurant.... the food really lettuce down."