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Joke of the Day

"Um, I'm not ""complaining"" of chest pains *glares at paramedic* don't make this heart attack sound bratty"

"If Hilary and Trump are stranded on a raft in the ocean, who survives? America. America survives."

"Q: What does a turkey do when he flies upside down? A: He gobbles up."

"A Roman soldier walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says ""I'll have five beers please"""

"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One doesn't scream when you put it in an oven"

"What do you call a dad butt? Dat ass"

"What did the stoned alpaca say to the other stoned alpaca? Alpaca 'nother bong"

"Too Soon? I heard the Black Friday deals were amazing."

"I try to refrain from farting while I masturbate. For I am a gentleman."

"Old joke perfect for redditors. Frog walks into a library and the librarian puts down books and the frog says ""reddit, reddit, reddit."". Just thought I'd share"