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Joke of the Day

"You jerks sit here making your dumb pun jokes, while people in Africa don't even have drinking water Well Water; Uganda Due"

"Did you hear about the tragedy at the Hipster company's work retreat? There were several hundred casual tees."

"Ma'am, I never said your baby is ugly. In fact, I have not even seen it. However, the aardvark in your stroller is adorable."

"What do you call a soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray attacks? A seasoned veteran."

"You seem like the type of person I might give my heart to, but as nervously as I'd be watching a drunk holding a newborn."

"Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food..."

"I kept reading a book about Gawker... But every page kept going back to Chapter 11"

"Kids, don't grow up... it's a trap!"

"Why are neutralization reations illegal? They involve assault."

"What did the disgruntled alien customer say to the store clerk? Take me to your leader!"