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Joke of the Day

"You seem like the type of person I might give my heart to, but as nervously as I'd be watching a drunk holding a newborn."

"What is Carrie Fisher's favorite snack? Frito Leah's"

"So a man walks into a bar His drinking problem is destroying his family"

"How do you start a baby shower? Throw it into a wood chipper."

"US Forces have just liberated thousands of ISIS sex slaves... All the goats and other livestock are being moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their farmers."

"I would rate my skill at psychic abilitys... medium."

"""Dad, did you ever fall in love with a teacher?"" ""Yes son , with the kindergarden teacher."" ""Then what happened?"" ""Well, your mom caught us and we had to send you to a new school."""

"What's the national bird of Pakistan? US Army Drone"

"I'm not into anything ""weird"", but this vacuum at Target looks like a total VILF."

"Building collapses in Detroit this morning. Damage is estimated at 12-14 dollars."