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Joke of the Day

"Ma'am, I never said your baby is ugly. In fact, I have not even seen it. However, the aardvark in your stroller is adorable."

"I planned on watching the super bowl tomorrow, but... My inflatable couch doesn't have enough air in it."

"What would happen if you were to cross two snowmen with three vampires? You would get severe frostbite."

"What is this superb owl of which you speak?"

"If your girlfriend offers to make you breakfast at 2 AM. She's probably not your girlfriend and your just drunk at Denny's again."

"How has Gordon Ramsey come to have so many children?? FUCKING RAAAWWWW!!"

"An Irishman walks out of a bar. ..."

"Married foreplay is just five minutes of confusion about whether your spouse is using a suggestive euphemism or asking you to do a chore."

"""Look we LOVE the script for 'Murder Bees', just change the name to 'My Girl' and you've got yourself a movie!!"""

"Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market. Oh the irony."