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Joke of the Day

"Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food..."

"Of course there's a financial crisis in Greece. How much yogurt could they possibly sell."

"What is the speed limit of sex? 68, because at 69 you have to turn around."

"Motorcycles, more like donor cycles."

"Fun Fact: A burrito will never sleep with your best friend behind your back."

"Dogs are great for meeting girls. Pack of dogs attack a girl she's gonna need to go to a hospital. Who's gonna drive her? That's right. You."

"Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because all the DNA matches and there's no dental records."

"You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands."

"The only bad thing about most people is having to interact with them."

"It's bullshit that dogs get their own heaven but we humans have to go to the same heaven as moths and tractors"