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Joke of the Day

"Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app this morning... ...and it sent an ambulance to my house"

"I bet the worst part about being single is knowing that even Hitler found someone who loved him."

"I just got one of those workout watches apparently i've masturbated 5.8 miles today"

"[Sex Shop] Worker: can I help you? Me: Yes can I get um.. *fumbles with piece of paper* one sex please"

"They say a a dog is man's best friend, but I don't even have enemies that'll look me dead in the eye while taking a sh!t on my carpet."

"What was the most pivotal point in Jesus' ministry? When he turned the tables on the Temple vendors!"

"I always get teary when I become intimate with a girl, Any idea how to deal with pepper spray?"

"A group of detectives did an investigation into the iPhone 7 They didn't find jack."

"What do you get when you cross a busy road with a broken leg and a blindfold? Hit."

"It's racist how they always put Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd in a bad neighborhood."